Hey out there
guess what???
last time i updated this was over a year ago.
LAME.
kay
so
basically sense than
ive gotten a new boyfriend
discoved i love female singers
and um
yeah
:)

holy cow
i havne't updated for a while
for a long while
i apologize..
what to say...
nothing to say..
Oy ihave a roughdraft that im supposed to do on this book about baseball and i dont want to do it.. but i have to. :( depressing ain't it?
I need to find a CD to burn for Colan. Heh, Colan and I have an interesting relationship. I find him entertaining in a dorky nerdy way.
I did Evan's health hw today, it was large amounts of fun..
and I got a pretty t-shirt. :)
Made james talk to me. Being around that boy is exausting now cause I am so conscience of every little thing I do. i hate having an ex boyfriend. i wish it could all go back to how it was. but than i dont. but i do.. i dunno. I miss him. I wish I could just stop caring about that boy! In moments like these i am so jealous of suzanne moving to a new place with new boys new possibilites, so lucky. Her own bathroom.
oh boy, not that exciting but my day was somehwat blah. But I am exausted all the same. Tommrow I am a mentor. What shall I talk about? i dont want to talk about books with her anymore,or animals, something new. Im not really sure.
sometimes the eintire human race bothers me. I think i am in one of my anti-social moments right now.
But the walk with Carmen will be nice, how i adore Carmen.
I'll try to maintain my previous updatingness now..again..oh boy.
i am sure you are all like "not gunna happen" but EH I WILL TRY!
Until I think of something interesting ~
Helena

WaaaHOooo!
I love weekends I get to catch up on all the sleep I missed during the week, It is absolutley amazing. It causes me great joy.
This weekend I cleaned my room, hung out with Chase and Sam, and went to the ballet. Yes. It was nice. Chases house is small but I enjoy it. Cozy. We need to finish Indiana Jones one of these days. Now that I know where you live I can bike to your house. Haha, thatd be funny. Only I'm to lazy.
James thanks for not being paranoid and not minding. I LOVE YOU TO DEATH!
My room is clean.. so very clean... I am extremley happy right now. But I am not looking forward to school tommrow. I fear it is going to be just like last week, but I hope it won't. I will try my best for it to be.. good.
High School is inaptley designed.
I want to get up at like 7:30 not 6:30. They should start school at 8:30 or something have it end at 3:30 or something. Not 7:45 it makes me sleep deprived because I am terrible at getting to bed before 10:00 PM. And its so wierd because I'm usually tierd I just.. but i'm just not .. ready for bed. I have stuff to do you know? I hate how I get busy starting at like 8:00. Right now I can think of like a million things to do. Its so retarded. Okay not a million. But this journal entry is a break from writing my own creation myth. Its sorta wierd.. when I finish it (tuesday night - its due wensday) I'll post it if people promise to read it and tell me what they think. Kapish?
Yay.
I decided my room needs more pillows for my couch. I'm gunna make 'em myself. I'm really excited.
Suzanne or Leslie you should come over this weekend.
Itd be way fun. Wait.. you probably have a rugby match don't you?
hmmm when is your match at CHS?
Azarah.. we still need to take our massive hike.. DONT BE SICK.
World This Weekend. You Rocked.
Thank you.
Good night all!
Helena

Hello everyone - or me again
How is everything for everyone or me?
Kay I'll answer my own question.
See previous entry.
World
I still am waiting.
And I'm still trying.
And its still not working.
Yeah.
But james loves me so i'll make it.
Circus of the Animals is this weekend I need people to come.. or at least one person. Its on Sunday at 2:30. We'd leave at like 1 o'clock. Does anyone have time to see something really cool?
probably not.
But its fine.
My heater, my inantimate-object best friend in my room went kaput. Thats right world, KAPUT. I turned it on today to sit there and consider my life and perhaps read the fourth book this week that I started last night and while I'm sitting there contemplating life and love i hear a pop and it smells like burned plastic or something gross. I turn off the heater. I unscrew and clean it out. Skrew the metal thing that goes over it back on. Turn it on - its bright red on one side - smells like more burned nastiness. Go get my mother. Says not to use it. Ask my dad later that night - he says its screwed and I can't use it. I am going to be heaterless until future notice. How Will I live world? How?
I'm thinking of investing in something like Suzanne has. It isn't as nice in my mind, but I'm sure I can adapt. I need a heater. I do my best thinking with a heater. Non heater people I do not excpect you to understand such a deep and intimate connection.
I rearranged my room. Have I already told you about that? I'm not sure, I don't think so. But anyway it brings me great joy. I wish I could just stay in it all day long, suzanne was the inspiration because I just loved her room it made me feel cozy and at peace and I just wanted to sit there and talk and be myself. So I rearranged so my room could be diffrent and hopefully more cozy. And It is. It causes me great joy.. my bed is under the window that looks out towards my anti-social niebors (the window that my guitar was under) and my couch is along that same wall. I LOVE IT. I'm thinking of taking a few things off my wall and puting other stuff on. I'm not really sure if I have enough motivation to thou. I kinda lack motivation to do alot of things thou so I'm sure it doesn't matter.
I wish I could sleep for a million years.
Make that Two Million years.
I must be off. I have to contemplate and read in a cold room. brr...
Helena
Seasons Come along and seasons go, and what they leave behind I don't pretend to know. I'm afraid that all I have missed will lome very large when the darkness lifts.
Little dandelion let your heart keep time, now the clouds are gone all your tommrows shine.
ohhOOhhhhOOHHhh
all your tommrows shine!
~Audioslave

Hello world!
or friends
or leslie and suzanne
or just myself
MY PASSWORD IS LEWIGIE. I bet no one is even gunna try. That isn't true anyway, but what really depresses me is no one is gunna read this so even if i did put my password up no one would care.
How is everyone in whatever universe they choose to inhabit?
I am currently battling my dear inner voice. My inner voice isnt very happy. Infact. Its unhappy. Fuck that. (excuse my french) I am unhappy. There I said it. I AM UNHAPPY. WORLD MAKE ME HAPPY. Yeah. pretty much. Yesterday sucked. Yesterday was horrendous. And no one knows that or cares except for Mr.Harrison, and maybe James. But I think I just brought james into it which only made me feel worse, thank you world for one thing and that is James. I would die without him. Today was better in some ways, but in others just the same. Sometimes I think the only friend I have left in the eintire world is Mr.Harrison. Isn't that pathetic? My old gym teacher. Yeah. But at this point I don't really care, no one else seems to so I guess being self conscience of being friends with an old gym teacher is just sorta silly isn't it? No world, you don't have to answer, wait world - you aren't listening. But world I'm going to talk to you. It sorta gets me down, I try and I try and be the very best I can be and I try and understand all the wierd things that I have to do to get by in this life, and what do I get? I get lonliness, and there are billions of them; people, but hardly any of them take the time to notice me, and when they do I just have nothing to say. And if I did.. they don't have time to listen or I just don't know what to say world. I need more time for people to listen. And world I'm sorry. I don't really understand people very much and I don't actually like alot of people very much, and I am told that I need people to get by in this world, but World, all the people I like, don't seem to like me very much or are just to busy to slow down and care because they have other lives. World. Can you find me some new people? Please I want new people, I want people with time. Time to care or time to show that they care. I know world you say I have people who care, but world? People who care aren't very useful if they don't have time. I want new people, but i also I want my old friends, I want kaveh to come back and help me in german, i want frau caster to disappear for awhile because she makes me feel stupid and I can't learn from teachers who make me feel stupid, nothing against frau caster because i respect her a great deal, i want math class back because it made sesnse and I hate math so thats saying something, i want to feel like I feel when I'm with the Lewises with more people, I want to be able to find these people, World Where are My People?
I'll keep James and Mr.Harrison. But world I just want some new people. People who remotley understand me.
Also world? Can you abolish the language of german, make them speak uba-dubba or piglatin, i really don't care, but I DoN'T UNDERSTAND. It doesn't make sense world, they speak gibberish and a helena-isn't-allowed-in language i dont get and I want get it, i wish i hated it, so it wouldnt matter. But I do world, I want to understand. But I don't. So abolish it. Do Something For ME. I am sick of having to fix all my problems, let someone pick up my pieces and put them together once, I am trying but they are falling to fast for me.
If it wasn't for mr.harrison and james i think
i wouldn't really function.
world....make me happy.
Helena

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Hello all.
HOW ARE YOU
okay
So wow, I havent updated for a while.
Circus of the Animals(?) is playing this weekend on sunday at the Holtz center.
Need to call carmen. Hope she isn't busy...
German is very confuzing and frau caster intimadates me. AHH. Verbs. So scary. I have german hw. It is terrifying.
Mytholgy is entertaining, but... repetitive. CREATION MYTHS. How many ways can there possibly be to create a world. It is mind boggeling. Everyone needs to agree on one.
Kapish? OKAY? AGREE NOW! Its less reading, AND you are saving trees, that is only one myth for people to read. The goodness is endless. AGREE WORLD AGREE.
I finished to fourth sisterhood of the traveling pants today. AWESOME.
Those girls, they grow up. -tear- I hope im just like them. errr. well I hope... I am succesful in there...pants lol. LIke wow I 'll stop talking. But I hope a group of friends as well connected as them. I'll always have a Carmen. : )
So I'm reading a new book now. cant recall its name. but it makes me HAPPY.
Wow
I'm talking to rachel so this is taking FOrevea
But I'm happy
SHE IS GUNNA STAY WITH ME.
Its our constant talk..
we write cards to eachother (So far I have at least five) and we e-mail and IM and talk
I've writen her twice a month since christmas. somtimes more. Its awesome. She sent me the awesomest card last month.
It rocks
she is almost a better friend of mine now than she was beore she left.
I really miss her.
I know tons of people say that.
but like
I do, even at school there are days where I just wish Rachel was there, but .. i just know she would never quite be to busy to just not talk to me.
But ya. I miss her and she is going to come this summer. I am happy. I am extremly happy about my summer. It is shaping up to be busy.
Germany, Rachel, Alaska, the Lewis's...
Huzzah. NYAAAHHH!! NONE OF YOU WILL BE INCLUDED IF YOU DONT SIGN UP NOW! 1\4 OF MY SUMMER IS GONE, SLOTS ARE FILLING FAST. I can pencilpeople in for the last two weeks of July and three of august.
Anyone?
Anyone at all?
Haha, im kidding.. but not really. I seriously am busy for a bunch of it.
Oh my. Talked to Yosi today. She is awesome. talked to mrharrison today. he is also awesome.
I miss kaveh
i had a dream about him
but eh
what can I do?
oh well
Much love to all
Helena

Hello people.
I have a best friend.
His Name is James.
YAY
I have a boyfriend.
His name is James.
Coiensidence?
NO! They are the same person.
Which makes me happy. This Year he has been awesome amazing fantabulous the best ever about everything except calling me.But no one can be perfect. But ya. This year has been diffrent, hard, but Ive still loved it. Just the random people I've bonded with has been fun. I have to go talk to Nancy about college thou on monday. I'm sorta scared. -braces self- but.. i'll be okay.. i suppose i am an upperclassman. But point being, James has been there. Which is awesome fantastic.
But I have a new-old friend. AZARAH, or as she loves (cough) ZAZA. She is coming over next weekend and there will be HIKING. Oh my. We have to bring supplies to fend off the rabid deer. It is going to be an adventure. I feel pity for everyone who wont be there (the rest of the world) because it is going to truly be an amazing day, and I AM PSYCHED! No dog shit! lol
We all still need to go to the movies, althou, I'm not really sure why I say "all" because I just realized that possibly the only people who read this are suzanne and leslie, but its okay, because I pretend I'm writing this to all people who I want to be talking to.
But anyway, everyone needs to listen to Here Comes the Sun by the beatles, the guitar part is AMAZING! I always feel at least a tiny bit of peace when I hear it. I also think of mr.harrison cause he could probably teach me the gutiar part, and its his fault i love the beatles.
I have been recruited by him to recruite mentors for restless middle schoolers.
Any takers?
according to him it looks amazing on ze college resume.
I feel sehr special that i got recruited to this, but i realized that its gunna be hard. most people didnt like middle school so they dont wanna go back, so no one wants to, so its actually kinda hard.
but.. i'll keep trying.
gah, i have run out of things to say.
Later
Helena

HELLO BOYS AND GIRLS -
lol
So I'd like to make a retraction
I don't have an orthodontist appointment this Thursday.
YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm happy abotu that. I don't like orthodontist appointments.
YAAAHHOOOOOO!!!
And tommrow
SUZANNE AND ME ACTUALLY HANG OUT!
Yes folks
we will. Me and suzanne = awesome!!! Updating my suzanne time. Oh suzanne how I toe you. You are amazing. I love you and your randomness and your strangness, and i respect you for hanging out with me because i know i can be strange and wierd. So you have skillz! lol
I looove my new classes
They are lovley
they are amazing
they make me happy
Everything is just fabulous.
class wise.
Mythology is entertaining.
German 3 is awesome because... i feel smart when I actually do understand things.
Online classes are barable and i get to do what I feel like and go at my pace. which is lovley.
Being mr.larrowes teachers aid makes me extremley happy.
I get credit for shuffling papers.
:)
Huzzah.
Mr.larrowe is an amazing teacher, and I love spending time with amazing teachers becuase you can gain more knowledge and insight from them. Good teachers\adults should be treasured and talked to. Because.. finding teachers you click with isn't totally common, and having an adult you can count on to talk to is actually extremly rare. Weather it be a grandfather, goofy uncle, your own mom, or your nieghbore I think that you should value it. Because.. they are role modles.. and.. i dunno... just appreciate them, because... they are.... diffrent for everyone and... when you find them.. you should like...appreciate them..talk to them. Because... they rock. lol that was a weak ending, but oh well.
But dudes. Mr.Larrowe is awesome. I advise everyone talk to him at least once.
So I have German hw, which is making me happy, because I know through this hw I will gain multitudes of knowledge.
HUZZAH!!! Its strange thou, i understand her talking, but when I go to write it down none of it makes sense anymore.
I think i have the rare skill of learning extremley well if people are talking to me.. as long they arent talking about math.
is that crazy or what??
I'm also really good at reading something and understanding it. But I'm terrible at writing it down.
I learned about Freud in mythology today. He is one crazy dude. Everything is based on sex and little boys..which.. is strange to say the least. But he did sorta start psychology and advance it, but.. he also brought it backwards. But he is one crazy dude!! AND HE HAS A BEARD!
lol you would have to be sitting next to me in mythology to understand that last comment. Nate Gartner would understand. He is one awesome nerd. You really should all meet him. I hope he sits next to me tommrow becuase he made mythology more fun. Someone to whisper to and play tic tack toe with. WOOT (i lost twice. Once i literally wrote in the O for him and said cats game and than he crossed the three in the row out and called me stupid..lol. I deserved it. He is going on the german trip. He says he is scared. I told him thats good. Bwhaha..)
Mr.Camerzelt (mythology teach) is pretty cool. His name means storage tent in german. He is definatly a character.
Everyone drink tea. I swear. You lose wieght. I've been drinking tea in the afternoon, and i swear. I'm losing wieght.
DRINK TEA.
Kay everyone, till next time
Laterz!
Helena

Who knew?!?!
WHO FREAKING KNEW!?!
Did you know picking up crap and feeding dogs was worth over 100$??
APPARENTLY IT IS!
WOOOT!
I got paid 35$ a day for 4 days to take care of two dogs. Now I admit at moments these dogs annoyed the crap outa me as I feel only suzanne could understand because of her sojourn to her uncles to take care of kids AND dogs. Let her highlight the horrors to you. Not only that she got underpaid! Oh my, that girl can handle more than most, I realized after this weekend she should be worshipped on a golden-diamond studded throne... taking care of dogs when you dont really like dogs.. that takes perserverance.. So i realized after I posted that livejournal I really had nothing to whine about, but..eh.. everyone gets to rant sometimes Right?
Rightyho
I feel rich.
Wait I take that back.
I am rich!! : )
oh sweeet enlightenment, how i love thee...nirvana is good place to be.
WHO WANTS TO GO SHOPPING WITH HELENA?!?!?!
Haha.. I have no idea what I'd buy. I'm thinking of putting half in the bank and rewarding myself by buying myself a new book.
That and I wanna go to the movies with people.
People who are intrested
rufen Sie mich
(lol my sad attempt at german.)
[call me] 753-8841 OR if you are really luck and its on my cell. 908-1387 (thats right. I ACTUALLY KNOW MY CELL NUMBER!!)

But ya totally call me. If you cant cover it and I like you I'll pay for you! My treat. (you're on your own on the food thou, but however I will support sneaking in ceral. because I feel it has to be attempted at least once.)

SUZANNE (i just got your livejournal comment) I'D LOVE TO HANG OUT. But. I have cello lesson on Monday. : ( : ( Tuesday or Wensday or Friday?
Thursday I have to go to the orthodontist and let them tell me i dont wear my retainer enough.
oh piffle I say to them. Retainers are annoying. I am only going to wear them at night, during the day they just make me have a listhp. lol
But yeah. my life is intresting. I'm making diffrent friends. I think a dude likes me who isnt James. It is strange. I miss my old friends thou.. but leslie and suzanne are really busy. I know they aren't trying not to hang out. Suzanne and I keep trying and missing, its acutally semi amuzing, but its more sad. I miss them. : ( I hope they miss me. My life is never as good without them, they will never leave my heart and are always welcome to crash at my house no matter how much of rugby buffs they become. lol. You guyz gotta tell me when your first game is I wanna come and paint myself blue and cheer you guys on.
But holy crap. On March 23rd I get my wisdom teeth out. I AM TERRIFIED. This is my first surgery type thing ever. They are gunna stick an IV in my arm, and I'm gunna go to somesort of twilight zone. I'm really freaked out. Apparently I'll have chipmonk cheeks afterwards. Oh my suzanne will have to come over to take pictures so she can hold it over me. lol
After I get back from Germany this summer (!!) I get to go to my cousins wedding in Alaska. I am PSYCHED. My cousin rocks. Alaska rocks. There will be scum.
Can this trip not be awesome?
NO!
Haha.
Huzzah!
Oh and my parents might be gone in italy when I get back from germany.
Party at my house. ;)
Store bought milk is gross I have had to switch over. Hazle is dry. How do you people survive!!?!?!?
It is painful to drink what they call milk.. it is so diffrent...
auch.
I think ive written enough. I feel very accomplished, I've actually been updating my livejournal. "i dont have a soul to trust in now" ah.. sad.. yet.. so true so true..
Toodles everyone - cya at school!
Helena

All the songs I put under my name i am realating to at the moment. Just so people know and are liek "whats with the songs?!?!"
anyway heres We are one tonight by Switchfoot
Tonight!
Tonight!

I'll rise
I'll fall
I'll fail you all

We built these cities to stand so tall
We've lost our walls

I don't want to lose it, coming down
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

Two eyes
One tongue
I've come
Undone

I'm no victim
I paid these dues
I came to lose

I don't want to fight about it now
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in, now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

I don't want to lose a common ground
With the whole world upside-down
I don't want to fight about it now
And the world was burning out

Let's slow the evening down
Slow it down
Slow down
Please slow down
Down
Down

The stars are comin' out!

We are one
We are one
We are one
We are one tonight
We are one tonight
And were singing it out
We are one tonight
And were dreaming out loud
And the world is flawed,
But these scars will heal!

hey people
whats up
Its Saturday - I'm almost done dog sitting! Huzzah..!!
I love em - but having to take care of them for like 24/7 is really hard. People can say "oh dogs are so sweet its not that hard" but..eh. most people haven't done it that much if ever probably. its way diffrent than like volunterring in a shelter for the week in sixth grade. Than it would be like go in for a few hours or something and like walk and give the dogs attention and stuff. But.. it was like you left and you knew the dogs would be okay. Taking dogs out to the bathroom is Sooo annoying. These dogs are indoor dogs so every other hour you have to take them out. GAH! I'm tierd of cleaning up poop.
So anyhow. Sorry bout the ranting.
Azarah came over on Thursday night, it kicked Arse!!! We stayed at the lewis's and like complained about the dogs. It was awesome. We went on this midnight and talked about stars and stuff. It was totally random. she wants to be a senator so shez really political and we have these discussions she agrees with me which is way cool, but we both know diffrent stuff so we share it. It is SOo cool. And she picks up litter like I do. Ya. It was crazy. We went on the hike up this random road it was all up hill, we turned around a mile or so in cause we were freaking ourselves out by talking about rabid deer. lol crazy we are. peas in a pod but yet... totally not... we are totally diffrent. weve known eachtoher since second grade. It s wierd cause we talk about totally diffrent things. There are these akward silinces. But i suppose thats excpected we have diffrent intrests..but not. I dunno. Crazy eh?
I saw this post secret that said "I would love to jump into a pool of Jell-o!" it totally reminded me of suzanne.
Me and Azarah are talking about getting together and going on a gigantic hike. Its gunna totally kick arse.
herez my schedule for anyone who cares.
A block - Mythology
B block - German 3
5th period - Online Biology
6th period - Online Health
D block - Open. I wanted art. But NoooOOooo. silly adminstrators.

I love painting on canvas its just about the best thing Ever!!! I love paint...
I know what I want to do.
I want to be a librarian or a book editor.
That took me almost 17 years to figure out. I HOPE IT STICKS.
Toodles all!
Helena

Nowhere Man - Beatles
He's a real nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.

Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?
Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.

(Lead Guitar)

He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?
Nowhere Man, don't worry,
Take your time, don't hurry,
Leave it all till somebody else
lends you a hand.

Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere Man, please listen,
You don't know what you're missing,
Nowhere Man, the world is at your command.

He's a real Nowhere Man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.